Credit where it's due

My client, Alan, is in his twenties and works for a video game company. We began working together last year, meeting at the gym three times weekly. Brand new to exercise, he was eager to learn with energy and enthusiasm. He quickly saw me as a mentor willing to share life experiences and lessons extending beyond fitness.

Two weeks ago, he told me that he and his work team were assigned a project that, while exciting, would significantly increase his workload into next year. Alan saw this as a great opportunity, but a couple of things concerned him. To this point in his position, his workload had been quite manageable with a flexible schedule. Now, much of the free time he’d enjoyed would be gone.

Secondly, he couldn’t predict how this would impact our workouts. Happy with how he was feeling and with his progress, he now worried about losing it. I’ve seen this situation before, and I wanted to provide perspective on how we could pivot.

We discussed the demands of his longer work hours and increased responsibilities, and how I’d modify his exercise programming to preserve his focus and energy needed for the project. He understood my reasoning, but hoped that any changes would prove unnecessary.

When Alan arrived at his next session, he looked and felt exhausted after a full day of Zoom meetings and phone calls. He was unpleasantly surprised by the toll it took on him. Understandably, he was subdued during the workout, and as we wrapped up, I could see something weighed on him.

He admitted that, despite our discussion, his fatigue from the work day and its impact on his session were upsetting. To him, his inability to train hard was a personal failing. “I feel like I let you down by not going as hard as I usually do, like I wimped out.”

I assured him this was the furthest thing from reality, that I recognized he’d done his best, and I appreciated him for it.

Alan is getting used to his “new normal” at work and now feels grateful for our scaled-back sessions. He’s also learning the value of giving himself credit where it’s due. In place of the unrealistic standard of “killing it” in the gym, regardless of workload and stress, he’s taking the small wins—making it to workouts and doing his best, whatever that may look like.

Who among us hasn’t been like Alan? With the stresses that life brings, and our energies often drained, we further burden ourselves with “shoulds” and unreasonable expectations. How about replacing this self-bullying behavior with self-compassion and empathy?

Self-appreciation, giving ourselves due credit, and focusing more on all that’s going right, this is my wish for us.