The Crime of Self-Acceptance
My client, Robert, routinely engages in something that society typically frowns on, and some people believe it’s simply wrong to do. The crime that Robert is guilty of? He takes pride in himself and his accomplishments.
Robert is 81, very sharp, and runs a small company. I’ve had the pleasure of working with him for over 20 years, and as long as I’ve known him, he has had no qualms about recognizing when he does good work or acknowledging himself for something he feels pride in. A couple of examples come to mind:
One day during a workout session, he told me how a potential client had requested some last-minute information regarding his program, and time was of the essence. Robert quickly put together a PowerPoint presentation that clearly explained the requested details, and it was met with positive feedback. “I did some brilliant work on that presentation, and I feel really good about it”, he told me.
Another day, Robert talked about how his camera doorbell had stopped working. He called tech support, followed the instructions the technician gave him, and together they were able to resolve the issue. Robert said, “I’m really proud of myself for being able to get on the phone with them and get the problem fixed. I think I’m going to feel good about this all day.”
I’ll admit that in years past, I used to think Robert was a bit high on himself, and that a dose of humility could do him some good. However, I came to realize I felt this way because I lacked self-esteem, and I was actually envious that Robert had it and was willing to celebrate it.
Though rare and often viewed as arrogant and egotistical, self-love and appreciation are superpowers. They repel fear and anxiety. They diminish the attachment to making assumptions and creating negative stories in our heads about others and ourselves. When self-love is present, the love is shared with others.
This is an area I’ve been working on improving, and the process feels very much like getting in shape – it requires patience, consistency, and acceptance that there will be good days and not-so-good days.
As I discover more on this journey, I’ll be sharing my findings and my feelings. If you’re on your own path to improving your relationship with yourself, I would love to hear how it’s going for you. Sharing such things requires vulnerability, which happens to be an ingredient in the recipe of self-love.
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Your point is well taken but often overlooked. Too many people use "reverse psychology" as their method of promoting improvement in themselves and others. Instead of the carrot, the stick is at hand and top of mind. Praise (just another form of love) brings much better results.
When you're trying to get a business, or even a project off the ground, beating yourself up doesn't result in anything but beating yourself down. Positive dialog with ourselves and others gets much better results, especially for the long term. My thanks to Ron for giving you the seed of positivity to plant, and thanks to you for telling us about it.