Give Advice Vs. "Guide" Advice

As a health and wellness coach, one of my primary roles is to assist clients in creating a blueprint that will help them adopt consistent quality exercise, sound nutrition, effective stress management, and restorative sleep practices. Fortunately, there are a number of coaching techniques, tools, resources, and lessons to help me do this. One of these lessons is that it’s often better to guide someone toward a potentially positive action step or solution to a problem, rather than simply telling them what to do (though they may think that this is what they want).

We’ve all had the experience of someone coming to us with an issue of some kind, and they ask us for advice about what they should do. Being the kind people that we are, we offer them our opinion about what we think is the best course of action. What typically happens after that? Cue the drum roll…they wind up not doing what we advised them to do. What’s up with that?

It’s about psychology – deep down, most of us don’t like being told what to do; this likely goes back to the days of childhood, when every day of our lives was filled with being told what, and what not to do. People are more inclined to take an action when they have ownership over the decision making process, as this gives them a sense of autonomy and control.

Here’s an example: Jean is a client that I’ve been working with for about a year, both as her health coach and trainer. She’d hit a plateau with her weight loss, and after a conversation, she felt that getting in some additional movement outside of our training sessions could make a difference. As a busy attorney who works at home, she struggles to peel herself away from her computer, and finding time for more movement felt a bit overwhelming to her.

Instead of telling her something like, “Why don’t you try X?”, or, “I think you should do Y”, I asked her if she had stairs in her home (truthfully, I knew her condo was three stories). Her eyes widened and she said, “I have about 30 stairs in my place. That would be great because I can set an alarm to climb them a couple of times, both in the morning and just before lunch. I really like this idea!”

It’s possible that if I had suggested, “Why don’t you walk all those stairs in your condo?”, she may have done that. However, that would have robbed her of the opportunity to feel good about having come up with a plan that may solve the issue of finding time for more exercise. Because she has ownership and “control”, her plan will likely be carried out with consistency.

The next time you’re asked for some advice, and the path that they should take seems clear to you, it may be better to resist the urge to solve it for them, and instead guide them toward a solution. This can provide them with insights, growth, self-appreciation, and empowerment.