Expectations of perfection

My client, Kate, was standing on one leg, palms pressed together with arms extended and “sweeping” them side to side. This exercise improves balance and stability while stimulating the brain. She appreciates why I have her do it, but she’s not a big fan.

Focused intently but feeling wobbly, Kate set her foot down and whispered, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.” After a moment, she raised her leg, completed the reps, and said, “I was quieting my dad’s voice in my head.” Kate told me she had a domineering father whom she feared. He demanded she study relentlessly and earn perfect grades, and when she didn’t, her punishments were harsh. Unfortunately, she adopted her father’s expectations of perfection and would beat herself up when falling short.

To adopt a healthier mindset and self-perception, Kate uses her “It’s okay” mantra when her inner critic begins punishing her for being less than perfect. The mantra helps lessen her father’s influence and reminds her to go easy because she’s doing her best.

My wish is that we all do like Kate and mindfully recognize when we're unfairly judging ourselves, and take immediate action to quiet our inner critic with self-compassion. We can successfully do this by creating our own version of an “It’s okay” mantra.

Expectations of perfection have caused many of us to suffer and feel less than. If you’ve shifted to a kinder and more supportive mindset, I’d love to hear what's worked for you.