Don't wait to appreciate!

At the start of my training sessions, I ask clients how they feel and how well they slept the night before. When I asked this of Brian, my new 21-year-old client, he said he had decided to spend less time on his phone at night and read a book instead to improve his sleep. I commended him for taking that action and asked why addressing his sleep felt important. “When I don’t get enough sleep, my mood is bad, and I don’t feel good about myself, and then I’m not as nice to my friends. I want to take better care of myself, then I’ll be better to others.”

I let his statement sink in, taken with how this young man connected higher quality sleep to an improved self-perception and his impact on the people important to him. I said, “You’re far wiser than I was at 21. How did you become so forward-thinking?” “I was raised Buddhist, and attaining enlightenment means a lot,” he said. “We believe that making the world and other people’s lives better starts with being good to yourself. That’s why I want to work hard to get to that place.”

I was glad I asked how he’d slept because it opened the door to Brian speaking from his heart. I thought of people’s journeys toward improved health and fitness when he spoke of working hard to attain enlightenment. With his insights and motivation, I assured him he would reach his goal sooner than later. “People often focus solely on their end goals,” I said, "like less body fat, bigger muscles, increased flexibility, or lower blood pressure, assuming when the goal is reached, they’ll feel happy." But what’s just as valuable—and I’d like everyone to hear this—is the "here and now" with all its directed effort, positive actions, and lifestyle changes made toward the goal. It's that ongoing, day-to-day journey that builds confidence and resilience.

I really wanted Brian to take that in and appreciate how I admired his effort as much as his end goal. So I encouraged him to start doing that for himself, taking pride in his efforts toward becoming the best version of himself and appreciating his noble desire to improve the world. Saying those words, a voice in my head told me, “Good advice; make an effort to follow it.”

We are often our own worst critics, being judgmental and unfairly hard on ourselves, weighed down by thoughts of "I should be doing more, I should be doing better,” and believing it's only when we've attained a goal or reached a benchmark that we can feel contentment.

My wish for us all is to acknowledge the good within us and our efforts to make a positive impact, to be equally kind and supportive of ourselves as we are to friends and loved ones, and to regard our mirror reflections with love and acceptance. In fostering such a relationship with ourselves, we join Brian in his efforts to make the world better.