The story that lies beyond our perception
While waiting in the parking lot of a local park before a client training session, a car pulled up a few yards from mine, and a man and woman got out. The man immediately walked to some bushes and, to put it delicately, began forcibly and repeatedly expelling phlegm from his lungs and throat, defined by the Urban Dictionary as “hocking loogies.”
As his companion looked on, it seemed the man was either attempting a world record or had very congested lungs. After his sixth “guttural expulsion,” I felt increasingly repulsed, and I thought, “Maybe he should see a doctor.” My sentiment, not surprisingly, wasn’t concern for his health.
Seemingly finished with his task, the couple walked a few feet before stopping at a trash can, where he picked up where he’d left off. Cringing in disbelief, I wondered who had failed to teach this guy how to behave in public.
My client arrived, and several minutes into our session, the couple strolled near us. That’s when it became apparent that the man was clearly neurodivergent, and the woman was his aide. Seeing this, I felt a jolt of shame for having assumed he simply had no manners.
I know my initial reaction was normal, and had I known the circumstances, I’d have reserved judgment. However, this reminded me that the quick impulse to assume, categorize, and judge others needs to be monitored. There’s almost always more to the story that lies beyond our perception.
From this lesson at the park, I pledge to stay alert for and rein in assumptions and judgments toward others, and afford them the same considerations I’d want to receive.
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Wonderland
This is a really great essay. You had me literally laughing in the beginning at your very descriptive encounter. I’ve run into people like that before and felt the same repulsion.Reading further, was a surprise, and a very good lesson for all of us. Thank you!
Slipstream
My grandma used to say, "Don't judge a book by its cover." That saying applies in so many situations. No one knows what another person is going through or gone through. And another adage, "If I can do it, they can do it," isn't necessarily so either. Everyone's story, means, and capabilities are different making how they can handle situations unlike how we would respond. When we view people, we should view them with our hearts as well as our eyes. Thanks for relaying your experience, and I'll join you in your pledge. The next time I'm judging, I'll remember this pledge.
Evangel
Love your humorous and odd lesson in the park. As Wonderland said, it's a great lesson for us all.
Unfortunately, judging others has always been a universal impulse, pastime, and even form of entertainment considering how it's grist for the comedian's mill. But that shouldn't give the rest of us a free pass, especially during such combative times. Thanks for this pledge. I hope everyone takes it.