Love thy neighbor, but first thyself!

A familiar passage from the bible tells us to “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” It’s a well-intentioned but flawed instruction because it assumes that people generally love and appreciate themselves, and then this goodwill should be extended toward others.

The unfortunate truth is that many people, to varying degrees, struggle with self-esteem, feeling good enough, and having an unkind inner dialogue. I know firsthand that this brings consequences like holding yourself back from opportunities, fearing others’ opinions, and feeling undeserving.

I believe that improving self-perception is one of the most important endeavors that a person can take on. It requires courage and patience, but it’s also a great act of self-love and care. By consistently applying the following steps, my self-esteem improved and I’ve become a better friend to myself.

Monitor and shift inner dialogue—Thoughts about not being good enough are rooted in fear and lead us to judge ourselves harshly and unfairly. Shifting the critical voice in our heads to that of a supportive friend is powerful and necessary to improve self-perception. This also does a lot to relieve stress and anxiety. Yes, please!!

Forgive yourself—I felt such relief when I stopped viewing past mistakes and perceived flaws as crimes that deserve punishment. None of us is perfect, and making mistakes is part of the human experience. By accepting this, you extend compassion and understanding to yourself as you would to a loved one.

Recognizing and appreciating strengths—It’s in our nature to downplay our strengths and the things we do well, but our friends and loved ones see the best in us. Making a list of my positive characteristics from their points of view had me feeling more capable and uplifted.

Don’t play the comparison game—Deflated self-esteem, jealousy, and feeling judgmental are what we get from comparing ourselves to others. Instead, focusing our time and energy toward becoming the best version of ourselves is rewarded with greater self-appreciation.

Be of service—I love knowing that a phone call I made to a friend brightened their day. Doing things that make people feel cared about is a confidence booster and great for the soul.

Working on these steps is a work in progress, but I’m enjoying a healthier self-image and I’m more able to love my neighbor as myself. If you’re someone whose self-image has improved over time, I’d love to learn what helped make that happen. If you’d like to experience more self-acceptance, I hope you find this article helpful, and I welcome your thoughts.