The Gum Drop
Last week, I had a late-afternoon break between client sessions and decided to have an early dinner at a new Mediterranean restaurant.
Given the hour, I was the lone person sitting at a table, but a few food delivery drivers came in to pick up orders. One of the drivers looked to be in his 40s, and as he approached the counter, I noticed he was intently chewing a large wad of gum with his mouth open.
He showed the cashier the order on his phone, and as she went to look for it, he walked over to a nearby trash can, positioned himself so his head hovered over it, and opened his mouth wide, allowing the gum to escape and free-fall into the can.
Wishing I hadn’t seen that, especially before eating, I began judging him as distasteful and lacking in class and manners when, what felt like an admonishment, entered my brain: “Mind your thoughts!”
I immediately knew the reason behind this reprimand, one I’ve written about previously on Youtropolis—being the best version of myself.
A necessary practice in becoming the best version of ourselves is to be mindful of our tendency to judge others unnecessarily and ideally, halt it.
All I knew about this man was that he likely won’t win any etiquette awards. I have no idea what his story is, and I haven’t walked in his shoes. To judge and think poorly of this stranger based on a 1-minute snapshot of his life is unfair and, naturally, I wouldn’t want it done to me.
Judgment is normal and necessary, and serves us in many ways, including protecting us from potential dangers, making everyday decisions efficiently, setting personal boundaries, and improving ourselves.
Judgment stops serving us and becomes harmful when we use it to make rigid assumptions about people’s character or worth. There are more important things in our lives to direct our energies toward.
You've likely had a similar “delivery driver” moment. How aware were you of your thoughts, and how did it turn out?
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Slipstream
You make a very good point in this article. We automatically judge when someone does something that is "offensive." I catch myself in the market judging what people are putting into their carts. Fruit Loops, really!! I realize right away what's happened, and I say to myself, "Forgive me," and then I bless them. I think that's probably going to be about the best I can do in this lifetime. However, I always appreciate reminders on improving 😇
Evangel
I think finding the error in another's way is basic human nature. Perhaps, it stems from childhood where we're taught "right" from "wrong," triggering us to recoil when we see someone behave in a way we learned is unacceptable. Subconsciously, we may even resent the offensive behavior. After all, if we've learned to avoid it, why can't others? We generally don't consider they missed that lesson.
Regardless, it takes effort to be aware of our ongoing judgments and stop them. I applaud you for caring enough to put forth the effort. Thanks for sharing.
Homeless Valley
Good reminder to be kind to others in deed and thought. I remember the story about someone judging a guy as homeless and trying to give him money, but it turned out the "homeless" was extremely wealthy just not dressed up or shaven. At least in that case, the person who was judging was kind and wanted to help. Thanks for your story!