The Silent Loss

Currently we are experiencing many different losses due to the state of the country, politics and the world. There is another loss that is very present in and around our lives. That is the loss that occurs when someone has a chronic illness. Living with a chronic illness is one of those losses too often experienced in silence often out of shame or fear of judgment or not fitting in any longer. If you don't have a chronic illness chances are you probably know someone who does. Doing a little research I was surprised to learn that nearly 45% of the US population lives with at least one chronic illness and many people have multiple ones. That percentage is expected to continue to increase due to an aging population, unhealthy lifestyles and socioeconomic status.

My circle of loved ones includes several who have dementia, heart problems, rheumatoid arthritis, COPD, diabetes and GI issues...all considered chronic illnesses. No one wakes up one morning deciding to have one of these and then proceeds to upend their life in ways that could never be imagined. Navigating one's health care along with managing other losses that coexist such as a death of a loved one, a change in living or financial circumstances takes a toll on the internal resources to cope with life. Experiencing my own chronic illness for more than a decade has given me an up close and personal window into this maze.

Feelings run the gamut from grief to sadness, to fear, to anxiety to anger while coming to terms with the nuances of the condition, its implications and limitations. It is like a death of the life the person has known. Walking with one hand holding grief and the other holding gratitude becomes the norm. Grief about all the losses, limitations, uncertainty and pain rests in one hand. Its easy to give up hope, fall into dark places of depression and despair when it feels like life is passing you by. In the other hand is gratitude... celebrating those moments or hours or days when few or no symptoms are experienced, where joy results in a spontaneous smile and hope returns...you almost feel “normal.”

Learning to manage symptoms of a chronic illness doesn't just stop with what the body is experiencing. There is agreement that inner work helps because all levels of one's being are impacted: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and fiscal. Learning opportunities present themselves to each person differently. Depending on the type of chronic illness as well as the individual's beliefs about healing and available finances determines the choices of treatment.

Conversations with many people about their experiences have confirmed my belief that living with a chronic illness becomes a spiritual journey, and can lead to a transformation of mind/body/spirit. On a deep level one learns that life is not casual...it is sacred and holy. Opening the heart to self love is a must for inner healing along with self-forgiveness. Self-compassion and kindness also go a long way when one is suffering. The more skillful one becomes at embodying these qualities the easier it is to give them to others.

For some people, me included, prayer, faith and holding on to hope become constant companions traversing the maze. Then one day, one day, you begin to blossom. More time is spent celebrating in the hand of gratitude. At a very deep level something has changed and the world seems different, brighter and joy becomes a close companion even though there are still some symptoms. The mantra I live by is “I do what I can when I can” and it serves me well.