Who knows what lies beneath?
Recently, a mystery was solved. Since I’ve been alive and perhaps centuries before, this mystery was the subject of great debate, curiosity, and wonder.
How on earth were the Egyptian pyramids built in the middle of a vast, dry desert?
The question has now been scientifically answered through the wizardry of Eman Ghoneim, professor in the Department of Earth and Ocean Sciences at the University of North Carolina Wilmington.
Applying Geographical Information Systems and Radar Satellite data, her team used radar sensors that penetrate the subsurface of the sand desert which then produced images of buried rivers and ancient structures such as former river channels and ceremonial causeways that flowed up to the pyramids. Amazing.
This new revelation indicates a major drought occurred somewhere about 2400 years ago, drying up the rivers that once made pyramid construction possible—a timeframe that coincides with the last pyramids being built.
Now that the pyramid mystery’s been solved, I’ve turned to the other enigmas that have me scratching my head. These are the people who I can’t figure out or explain. These are the ones who love to be a thorn in your side or stand at the ready to dismiss, judge, criticize, or slam you emotionally—or if that doesn’t work, talk smack about you behind your back.
What do they actually get out of it? Does anyone else wonder?
I don’t yet have the answer, but the pyramid discovery has opened up the possibility that something unrevealed may also lie beneath their crusty surface. Perhaps they are experiencing some kind of emotional drought that has left them barren of empathy, compassion, and even love. Or, possibly, they believe any display of those qualities are signs of weakness—except when applied to their animal companions, of course.
Whatever motivates them, fortunately, is not our business. We have more important matters to tend to. But we can remember that whatever spooks them about us, or however they may revile us, it comes from their own distressing illusions or disillusions in life. For such fear we can only forgive them and send a river of love their way.
Please join me in my pledge to bless them all, forgive and forget, and give them the love they truly crave.
Youngdannville
I can give them some understanding and definitely forgiveness BUT like a cancer they must be CUT out and never to invade your personal space again.
Evangel
Thanks for your fervent comment. Ideally, you could walk away which makes the most sense, but that’s not so easy if they are in your workplace. But if possible, I agree it’s best to distance yourself. I remember my mother telling us as children that if you ignore the bullies, they will eventually give up and find someone else to pick on.
Present Valley
Great post, great reminder!
Through the years, learning the hard way, I've figured out that with people you are describing what works best for me because it reduces stress and emotional pain is to love them from afar and pray for them daily, have good boundaries, clear and consistent communication and forgive them.
I found also I do need to be mindful of and remember how I was treated, not laying my heart bare...so I can minimize the future cuts to my heart. In my younger years I was not as skillful at taking care of myself as I am now.
Certain people's hearts eventually open although some do not. I have learned that a number of people do not have the capacity to change no matter how much I love them when their inner work is not done. People may or may not come back into my life. I like keeping my side of the street in higher consciousness as best I can. While I would like to say I'm the person who can meet your pledge completely...I honestly haven't evolved to that place yet. Sometimes my best simply means letting go of the person and the relationship.
Years ago I heard a story that Brene Brown tells about "the marble jar." A story I am paraphrasing. The jar was a reinforcement tool that her young daughters' teacher started for the class to reward collaborative considerate and kind behavior. When a good deed was done a marble was put in the jar. When their was an infraction a marble was taken out of the jar. The class was treated with a reward when the jar filled up...and it did.
I want people in my life to have lots of marbles in their jars.
So I can join you in your pledge except for the occasional times when I choose not to forget what was done even if I know it had nothing to do with me.
Evangel
Thanks for sharing your own experience. Of course it’s very difficult to forget the worst jabs and offenses since they can stick for a lifetime. And sadly, such behavior is frequently found within families. So I agree that wherever possible we must have clear boundaries—only a masochist could feel comfortable or safe in such company.
But worst offenders aside, there are countless people we must deal with who just aren’t happy in their life, and since misery loves company they will attack to drag others down to their level. This is the type of person we can forgive and wave off…or as Michele Obama often said, “When they go low, we go high.” In the end, we will feel better in our heart and clearer in our mind, which is the sort of peace I think we are all hoping for.
Slipstream
I think there are times people are oblivious to how hurtful what they’re saying is. They can say it directly to the person or to others who are present. Sometimes it’s even accompanied by a statement like “just kidding,” when we know they aren’t.
Then there are other situations where people are completely aware and fully intend to undercut, mock, or badmouth hoping to “enlighten” those they are telling and maybe even bring about some damage to their “target.”
When I experienced this kind of behavior as a kid, my mom would say, “They’re just jealous.” Somehow when it came from my mom, I thought she was just trying to make me feel better. But now, I’ve learned my mom was right; what lies beneath is jealousy. And it often comes from those who are the closest — friends, family, or workmates. That’s why it’s so hurtful.
We have choices as to what we do — call them out, boot them out, or ignore them. But one thing we should never do is take it in. Because what they say reveals a lot more about them than it does us. And the Universe has a way to clean it up. It’s called, “What goes around, comes around.”
Well Street
Fortunately, I've never been the type to pick on or outwardly mock or belittle someone. However, I know that there have been times when feeling judgemental, it's been because I've envied and perceived in them a quality I wish I possessed myself.
Years ago, I participated in workplace gossip until reading somewhere that "Gossip is a favorite activity of the small-minded." I took that as a message to leave that behavior behind.
I agree with the other comments that what often fuels the anger and venom people throw at others can be rooted in traumas and feelings of worthlessness. If unjustified judgment and anger are directed toward us, it won't feel good, but with healthy self-esteem, we won't carry it as truth.
Your pledge is a big step in living a heart-centric life, and the adage "progress, not perfection," comes to mind. In other words, looking past a person's unkindness, considering where it may come from, and extending empathy may take practice, but it's an endeavor I'll join.