The Eloquence of Tact

When I came across the image above, it reminded me of the smiles and delights a happy and tactful conversation can bring about. Not like the other day when I was having lunch at a lovely French restaurant and couldn’t help but notice the woman sitting next to me who was waiting for someone. She was looking at the door when all of a sudden a woman wearing a strange bell-shaped hat swept in and was escorted to the table by the Maitre d.

“Omg…is that you? said the tardy friend as she sat down squinting her eyes to get a better look at her dining companion. “It looks like you’ve added on some—shall we say—avoirdupois! Hahaha! But don’t get me wrong…you look marvelous! My doctor says a few extra pounds makes everyone look younger…and you could almost be a teenager.” 

“We’ll, that’s very kind of you to say,” said the woman taking the high road and diffusing the tension. 

After more chit chat, the waiter brought over the menus and the conversation turned to food.  “I probably shouldn’t say this…but I’ve heard the food here isn’t that good…and whatever you do…don’t order the escargot. They take forever and I can’t be here all day. I’m having cocktails later with some very important friends. But I will say…I’ve heard the pastries here are wonderful. I bet that’s why you chose this place,” she said puffing out her cheeks like a blow fish.

I could tell the woman sitting next to me was annoyed, as the other woman quickly added “I’m kidding…I’m just kidding!”

“What are you talking about?” the woman replied. “This is the favorite restaurant of the French Counsel-General of Los Angeles. It has 5 stars! Everyone who loves French cuisine eats here!”

After a slight lull, the other woman continued. “What does he know? My cousin’s friend just got back from New Orleans…and she had dinner here last week. She said it’s more like a 2 star or tops …maybe a three.”

As eavesdropping is one of my favorite pastimes, I decided to prolong my lunch and continue to listen. But my mind wandered to Josephine Baker Turck’s book “The Art of Conversation,” and settled firmly on Rule 12: The Cultivation Of Tact. 

I thought to myself, the hatted woman could certainly use a copy of the book, particularly Chapter 12 where Baker writes about the importance of not saying anything that might make a person feel bad or ill at ease. She also noted to say the right thing or say nothing. 

By the time my thoughts returned to the moment, the dessert had just been served to the two women. 

I was surprised when the woman sitting to my left who had been the brunt of all the tactless comments finally said, (maybe it was her way of getting even) “I’ve been sitting across from you for a while now, and you remind me of someone…it’s uncanny. It’s more than the brass buttons on your jacket or your black swoopy hat. But it does all go together. Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Napoleon? A dead ringer, I’d say! Turn and let me see your profile.” 

“How rude!” said the other woman, “I’ve never heard such a thing!”

“I’m just kidding! Can’t you take a joke?” 

“Well, if it was funny, I could!”

Well, the tables had definitely turned! And as the insults continued, I decided to leave. On the way home I mulled over the conversation. Whatever happened to tact, I thought—that gentle touch of words spoken with another’s feelings taken into consideration? And then I thought of the words of English philosopher, Francis Bacon, who summed it all up when he said: “Discretion in speech is more important than eloquence.”