How well do you communicate?

When I was about six or seven, my mom took her prized philodendron outside and asked me to “squirt the leaves off.” Apparently, I gave her a quizzical look but asked no questions and went out to do my job.

After turning on the hose, I copied what I’d seen my parents do when there was no sprayer on the hose. I put my finger partially over the end of the hose to make a more powerful stream. But no matter how close I got or how hard I squirted, no leaves came off. I was failing at my job.

Rather than go back in and tell my mom I was unsuccessful at what she’d asked me to do, I picked the leaves off, one by one. I thought as long as they were off, what difference would it make how I did it?

Having fulfilled my assignment, I went inside and happily told my mom that even though I wasn’t able to squirt the leaves off, I pulled them off. She went pale, “All of them?” I responded that there were 2 or 3 left, but I could take care of those too if she wanted.

She told me later that she had started to get angry that her beautiful plant was destroyed, but she quickly realized I had done exactly as she had instructed. What she wanted me to do was to squirt the dust off the leaves, but that’s not what she said. She then knew why I gave her that “have you gone crazy” look.

As that long-ago incident came to mind the other day, I realized that it’s exactly that kind of miscommunication that has led to fights, firings, lost friends, family feuds, divorce, and possibly even war. And it was a reminder to choose my words carefully and thoughtfully, and if someone says something “crazy,” I’ll be asking questions to make sure we’re on the same page.