Saying YES When You want to Say NO!
DO YOU SAY YES WHEN YOU REALLY WANT TO SAY NO? If you're nodding your head, then you're not alone. It's not uncommon for many of you to say Yes to a request or invitation when you really want to say No. Why? Because you're afraid of not being liked or hurting someone's feelings.
Saying Yes when you really feel an inward No, only builds anger and resentment within you. And guess what? You don't become more popular, you become more usable. Saying No doesn't mean you're against the person making the request, it just means that you value yourself, your time, and your priorities. It doesn't make you a bad person. Or what you might expect, more likeable. You might say Yes to picking up a package 35 miles from your home "as a favor," but I bet you'll be cursing the entire trip as you inch your way behind a long trail of red lights.
When you start saying No, you might create some enemies in the process. A lot of people want to have others cater to their every whim. After all, they value themselves, their time, and their priorities, hence why they're getting you to drive 35 miles to pick up a package. If it turns out they don't like you because you say No, do you really want them in your life?
If you can say Yes and feel no anger and resentment, go ahead, Yes away. But if you feel the slightest tingling of a No, say No. Tell them you wish you could help out, but you can't at this time. No harm, no foul.
I promise you, in most instances you won't be disliked; you'll only be respected and appreciated all the more the next time they ask and you say Yes.
Slipstream
Absolutely, your point is correct. Your internal prompting is a good guide; you intuitively know what you should or shouldn't do.
Sanatana
Absolutely. In many cases, our desire to be liked or feel important surpasses what we really need in the moment. And it may not be saying yes.
Well Street
Your point about anger and resentment building as a result of people pleasing, always saying yes, and feeling unable to set boundaries is spot-on.
It stands to reason that much of that anger and resentment will ultimately be directed toward oneself.
Sanatana
Yes, because the person who's angry and bitter is carrying all that inside of them. Hence, they will receive the damage.
Evangel
Then there are those who say "yes" disingenuously to be polite, only to end up flaking on you at the last minute, leaving you in a bind.
Sanatana
That's so true! It's very frustrating to deal with people like that. Very unreliable.
Fort Biblio
I think one should cherry pick their volunteer agreements: pick those that are nearby, assist those who are willing to assist you if need be, and if possible select assignments that may bring a bit of joy to the time spent—for instance I always enjoy cat-sitting for my erudite neighbor whose library is filled with an eclectic collection of rare metaphysical books.
Sanatana
I couldn't have said it better myself! Thank you for your feedback!