Are We Supposed to Get Along?

With today’s news headlines, it’s easy to conclude that human beings are predisposed to fight each other. As much as I’d rather not believe this, our leaders likely do. Maybe this is why they’ve done nothing to stem the rising tide of hatred, domestic terrorism, or mass shootings. Boys will be boys, they said about the simmering civil unrest and blatant attempts to discredit, overthrow, or legislate the Democratic party out of existence.

While some insist there are bigger fish to fry, the unraveling of democratic values is a loud cry for help. Waving it off is a catastrophic attempt to sweep something profound and insoluble under the carpet. Inaction is also a callous waving off of the Democratic party’s agenda to advance more equity for the working class and underserved communities. But maybe that’s what it’s all about. Possibly, some think a good fight would ultimately settle the matter, proving the “underclass” was never a worthy match for the “upper” or “superior” class.

This brings me to my good friend, Chuck, who could not be considered upper-class by any stretch. But, from his position as a white male, he has felt his status slipping away. Moving through his day, constantly seething over his belief that the “persistent, unabated invasion of immigrants” was destroying this country, he’s been angry enough to welcome all hell breaking loose. His own wife, an immigrant herself, wondered how she didn’t know this about him before marrying him. Constant bickering over the issue put walls between them, but his wife always had the last word: “Had I known you were so bigoted, I would’ve never married you!”

Chuck sat in my living room countless times pouring his heart out over his wife’s waning love and his country’s demise. As he detailed how Latinos were taking good jobs away from good people who were more entitled, he singled out mushrooming homeless encampments as proof he was right. Nothing I could say would change his mind. Like so many others who ruminate on false information, Chuck was stuck in a lie that made his life miserable. But something did change, and soon changed him.

When Covid struck, Chuck was put on furlough. Suddenly, the hate-mongering, morning talk shows that hammered him on his way to work were paused. Instead, there were quiet morning walks with his wife. Afternoon golf games with his racist high-school buddies also came to an abrupt end. Instead, discussions with his Vietnamese wife focused on the growing incidents of hate crimes toward Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders. Would the kids be safe? Would his wife? A concern closer to home was taking hold of him.

Time away from the office gave Chuck a powerful respite from the constant rage triggered by the many voices, ideas, and lies he steeped in. With forced time off, he relaxed in his wife’s company listening to her truth. America had welcomed her, she reminded him, and that was the sort of thing that made America great.

Today, Chuck is a more hopeful and agreeable person. He argues passionately for a more compassionate, inclusive economic framework to give “the little guy” a fair chance. He better understands our interconnectedness, and realizes that by prioritizing the well-being of everyone, we promote our own well-being. Despite not always agreeing with me or others, he is passionate and persuasive in arguing that we are meant to get along because in getting along we can help each other instead of hate each other, benefit from each other instead of belittle each other, rise in tandem with each other instead of rage against or rate others as inferior.

Chuck’s story proves that getting along with others brings joy. Helping others who are struggling to attain their dream, brings prosperity. Giving love, even to those you don’t always agree with brings peace. These truths are likely to be the only honorable way to sustain our democracy and way of life.