Self-Esteem a Problem?
Here's the thing ... Over the years, many clients have shared that their self-esteem is low. Then they ask me, "How can I develop high self-esteem? Unfortunately, self-esteem is not anything that people can give you, or that you can purchase at your local store.
Self-esteem comes from the self. It does not come from acquisitions and validation from others. These things, while nice, are temporary in nature, and though they might make you feel good for a short while, it doesn't last. What lasts is the high self-esteem you create internally.
So, what are some ways to develop self-esteem? By using your abilities and doing things of which you're proud. With each success you have, you develop some more self-esteem. Accomplishments and social positions also contribute to higher self-esteem.
Doing the things that make you happy will give you high self-esteem. Whatever else you do, avoid deprecating thoughts about yourself. Saying things like, "I'm stupid!" or "No one cares about me," are self-esteem destroyers. So avoiding saying those kinds of things is another way to raise your self-esteem.
Identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself and challenge those beliefs. Remember, they're just beliefs, probably planted very early in your childhood by a significant caretaker.
What are some ways in which you've destroyed your self-esteem?
What are some things you've done to develop high self-esteem?
I'd love to read about some of your experiences.
Slipstream
Thanks, I really enjoyed this article. Possibly by catching the negative thought as it comes up, and immediately replacing it with a positive thought could prove to be beneficial. As an example, "I'm too old," could be flipped to, "I have wisdom others don't." Or, "I'm not qualified to apply for that job," could be replaced by, "I have qualities that a college degree can't buy." Positive self-talk will eventually win if we stop entertaining the negative.
Sanatana
Those are great reframes. I like the idea of saying I have more wisdom versus I'm too old. We can be our worst enemies, so reframing gives us the opportunity to destroy those little enemies in our brains!
Evangel
I agree with Slipstream. Identifying the beliefs and recognizing that you say them is the first step, but challenging them is the next step, which can be done by replacing the lie you tell yourself with something more truthful.
Sadly, there are probably loads of people telling themselves that no one cares about them. This reflects the world we live in where a loneliness epidemic thrives. We all experience text messages being ignored. But no one should take it personally. Many people have scrambled brains, depression, anxiety, and too much on their plate--they are likely overwhelmed. And surely they, too, must feel like no one cares about them.
Thanks for sharing your views on this important topic.
Sanatana
You're absolutely right! Well said!
Tin Cup
Great article and timely. I myself constantly fight between the two . I think it starts as a competitive state when your younger with all things not just sports. I do think sports help to balance in the early years because if you are a very good athlete you have something that not a lot of people have, it balances the playing field with your weaker competencies .
But as we get older the sports do not matter as much and providing for your family ,kids and what you do for a living do.
Even if you are totally happy with what you do and content, There are those outside influences of family, friends and colleagues that try and invade that space to brake down that good space. The key though is to listen and hear what they are saying. They may not be actually talking about you, but in reality they are talking about themselves, that's the true reminder that you must be doing something right, otherwise why would they bother. So the take away is always remember that everyone is great at something big or small it makes no difference your great at it and they can not take that from you. so keep that thought and your glass will always be half full instead of half empty.
The process is like a weed patch, you have to constantly tend to it or it will get overgrown and unsightly and hide the true beauty that is with in.
Sanatana
Your comment was right on point! Thank you so much for sharing your point of view. Very valid.
Well Street
This topic is a biggie, and there are very few in the world that it doesn't touch. The "lessons" learned in childhood shape our perceptions about ourselves and how we fit in the world.
As a kid who had asthma attacks, a learning disability, and an absentee father, many of my childhood experiences left me feeling not good enough and that there was a lot wrong with me. Combining those emotions with repetition created some well-worn neural pathways and beliefs.
Fortunately, there's a lot of evidence disproving the perceptions I formed about myself all those years ago. I'm well-liked and respected and have accomplishments I'm proud of. The people who hold me in high regard are intelligent and good judges of character, and there's no way I've successfully fooled them and hidden secret truths about the "real me."
Sometimes the voices of self-doubt and the inner critic work hard to capture my attention but I'm blessed to have parents and friends to lean on who prop me up when needed and they can count on me to do the same for them.