Revisiting Dale Carnegie

“Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.”
— Lord Chesterfield

We were all waiting for the new librarian to arrive when all of a sudden, from the back of the room, a man came bustling in and without introductions started talking.

“I have never been so insulted in my life!” said our new staff member. “You’d think a parking space would be allotted for ME…but no! The parking attendant didn’t even know who I was. Of course I gave him a piece of my mind, and when I insisted on a place to park he pointed toward the exit!”

“We’ll, we’re sorry about that,” said the library director, “we will take care of it tomorrow,”…but before he could continue, the man interrupted.

“And if that wasn’t enough, after I finally found a parking space, the guard at the front door wouldn’t let me in because my library card had expired! Then, he directed me to the information desk and they had no idea where my ‘welcome reception’ was!”

“All’s well, that ends well,” said the director, “just a few minor mishaps.”

“Minor, you call this minor? It’s total disorganization. I certainly hope you do better at the Dewey Decimal System than you do at planning. I wouldn’t be surprised if you filed “The Memoirs of Atilla the Hun next to Emily Post.”

“Now, that’s going too far!” said the director, clearly disgruntled.

“My dear cousin Dale Carnegie,” said the man, cutting off the director, “who, for the most part, would never complain, would certainly complain about this!”

“You’re related to Dale Carnegie?” said one of the librarians. “The author of ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’? The man who originated the idea that to be popular you should never complain or criticize?”

“Correct!” he said. “That’s how I live my life, by Cousin Dale’s ‘First Principle’—never complain…never criticize. By the way, it sure is hot in here, I feel like I’m going to faint.”

“Just a minute,” said the director, “all you’ve done since you arrived is complain! How do you explain that?”

“Well, he wasn’t specifically referring to me,” said the new librarian. “I’m different, I’m a relative. Besides, my mother told me on occasion Cousin Dale did himself complain.”

“Well, I never!” said someone, shocked at this private disclosure.

“Excuse ME!” said Dale Carnegie’s apparent cousin, asserting himself once again. “I happen to be an expert on Dale Carnegie. He was born in 1888, in Missouri, and sold trucks for awhile, before “coming to his Rubicon moment (a clear and unalterable decision), to quit the job he ‘detested’ to become a teacher, as a stepping stone to his main desire ‘to live to write and write to live’.”

“Stop right there!” said the director, “We’re not here to listen to a biography of Dale Carnegie! Can’t you see everyone is bored stiff with your recital?”

He completely ignored the comment and there was silence until one of the junior librarians who was sitting next to someone who had dozed off, asked, “Wasn’t the key teaching of his book to learn to listen and talk to people about what THEY are interested in?”

“Who wouldn’t be interested in what I have to say about Cousin Dale? Or,” he went on, “the plethora of other topics that are within my command!”

“Well, then,” said the director, you must be familiar with Lord Chesterfield, who was quoted quite extensively in “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” One seems particularly appropriate at this time: “Wear your learning like your watch, in a private pocket, and do not pull it out and strike merely to show you have one.”

“That does it!” said the new librarian, “I don’t need a crypto reprimand from you on how to suppress my brilliance…” and he went on, “I might report this whole incident to the Library Commission! AND—OSHA for all this hot air!”

“Well,” said the director, quoting Lord Chesterfield once again, “Advice is seldom welcome, and the ones that need it the most, always like it the least.”

“And now,” said the director, “I suggest we all get back to work.”