Nobody Respects a Nitpicking Smarty Pants

I was at a dinner party last week for Librarians on the Go, a group of about a dozen of us that get together every few months to talk about our most recent travels. One of our members had just returned from a trip to the great architectural ruins in southern Mexico.

“Oh, yes, it was fabulous, the weather was perfect…but I’m sure glad I brought my walking shoes! Chichen Itza is huge…it covers more than a two square mile area.”

“Wait a minute,” said one of the other members, “that’s not how it’s pronounced—it’s Chichen Itzah, with an accent on the A.”

“No, it’s not!” argued the traveler, his voice rising in indignation. “I was just there…I should know…besides…that’s how our very knowledgeable tour guide pronounced it!”

“Obviously, the guide knows nothing about Mayan linguistics which always has an accent on the last syllable!”

As they continued to argue over the inflection on the A, a certain pall came over the dinner group. I looked down at my bowl of Pozole, and thought of Josephine Turck Baker’s book, “The Art of Conversation—and the Twelve Golden Rules.” They just broke Rule 4: Don’t Contradict—especially when the Subject Matter is of Little Importance.

My wandering mind was brought back to the dinner party when I heard another member say how important proper syllabic emphasis is. Everyone agreed, and in a moment of fun they all started saying ahh and aeee and then ahhh again. Even though it was beginning to sound like the soundtrack from Body Heat, I could tell that the Mayan traveler felt dejected which can be one of the outcomes of being contradicted, particularly in public.

I wished at that moment he knew the words of French Renaissance philosopher Michel de Montaigne who wrote that when anyone contradicted him he would meet them not in anger but with the thought of finding the truth. “I hail and caress truth in what quarter I find it and cheerfully surrender and take pleasure in being reproved.” He went on to say, “I am much prouder of the victory I obtain over myself, when, in the ardor of dispute, I make myself submit to my adversaries force of reason, than I am pleased with the victory I obtain over him through his weakness.”

While many of us are not as self-confident or elevated as de Montaigne, when being reproached we can always say just plain thank you or, “OMG… your knowledge is remarkable!” and move on.

By the time dessert arrived—we were all enjoying flan—the conversation returned to a pleasant flow. It was getting late and time to go.

“What time is it?” someone asked.

“It’s 10 o’clock.”

“No, it’s not,” said the dinner guest to my right. “It’s 9:57!”

“Oh, big deal,” said someone else.

“We’ll, it IS a big deal,” said another. “Do you know what you can accomplish in 3 minutes…are you even aware of the 3 Minute Rule?”

As they argued on, I excused myself and left. I was glad to be home among my books. You can learn a lot from them and they never contradict.