How To Be a Master of Delightful Repartee

“To my taste, the most fruitful and natural exercise of our minds is conversation. I find the practice to be one of the most delightful activities we have in our lives.”
— Michel de Montaigne, 1580 AD.

Over the years, even going back a few thousand years, guidelines and rules have been written by philosophers, great orators like Cicero, and even educators about what elements make or break a pleasant conversation.

Monologuing or taking over the conversation is at the top of everyone’s list on what to avoid for delightful repartee. As Truman Capote, the great author once said, “The thing I like to do most in the world is talk,” ….but he acknowledged a conversation should be a dialogue and not a monologue.

But there are other conversational mistakes as well, noted in Josephine Turck Baker’s 1907 book, “The Art of Conversation —12 Golden Rules.” Rule 3 states: Do Not Interrupt.

While the reason people interrupt can be anything from thinking what you have to say is more important (egomaniac), or you clearly can’t keep yourself under control (ADHD), or you just want to join in, no one appreciates being stopped in the midst of what they are saying. It’s a common occurrence and as such, it should have a designated name…so I suggest—“talkus interruptus”—as a new coined term for this breach of etiquette.

While I do agree with Baker on Rule 3, there ARE occasions when interrupting is absolutely necessary. For example, when someone is monologuing and you feel like you’re being buried in an avalanche of words…then, in my opinion, you have the right to say something. I’ve found if you say “STOP” really loud, and then say, “Could you start over from the beginning…I think I may have missed something,” it usually gives them a pause. Then you or someone else can step in and derail the monologue. It’s a good tactic to have on hand.

Along the same line is Baker Rule 2: Don’t Ask a Second Question Until the First One is Answered.

This happened to me recently at a dinner party when someone asked what line of work I was in, and before I could answer, she blurted out, “You’re an auctioneer, aren’t you?”

Well, I know I talk fast but it was totally inappropriate. I told her so, along with the fact I’m a librarian. “A librarian! My oral surgeon’s brother-in-law’s aunt is a librarian…in Phoenix, oh no, what am I saying, it’s Tucson! Word association. I always remember it as Toothon. I was just at his office on Tuesday…no Wednesday…and he was telling me with all those books and all that dust her nose is constantly running. What about your nose?” But before I could reply, the person sitting next to her fortunately interrupted, and they started a side conversation.

I thought to myself…now she just broke Rule 1: Avoid Unnecessary Details.

Listeners don’t care when the story happened, or who is related to who or whether it was Tucson or Phoenix. All they want is a streamlined line of thought they can easily follow. According to Baker, unimportant facts are deadly to conversation and bore people to death.

Being a good conversationalist is an acquired skill. It’s an important topic—so much so that hundreds of books…well I just broke Baker rule Number 10: Don’t Exaggerate.

So I’ll be more factual in saying that over the years 10 to 15 books with the very same title “The Art of Conversation” have been published. While I haven’t read them all, I feel confident in saying that Baker’s 1907 book is one of the best.

I’ll be passing on more of Baker’s rules soon. In the meantime a pdf can be downloaded, or a copy can be purchased from online sellers such as eBay, Abebooks or Amazon.