Can your brain solve this problem?
Over the weekend, I went to a funeral where old friends and former classmates gathered. I hadn't seen some folks since high school. Others, I'd seen sometime back and were easy to recognize. But what stood out more was the way everyone fell into reminiscing about the "good old days," recounting old stories in such great detail the gloom of the moment vanished as those joys of the past came to life with explosive laughter.
Driving home, it struck me that so many people I know lament the dark and dank of "today" and hail yesteryear as if it were nothing short of brilliant, radiant, and full of rainbows. It's like saying today we're all floating in a toilet and yesterday we were all relaxing in a jacuzzi.
So today, I was conversing with another friend and wondered why we look to the past with such longing to return there. Has anyone figured this out yet? Has it been studied even? I don't know, but my friend quoted an ancient Roman poet by the name of Martial who said, "The present joys of life we doubly taste by looking back with pleasure on the past."
Hearing that, I figured, well, okay, it's as old as the hills. Generation after generation, grownups look backward and find a deeper comfort in what was. But, on the other hand, younger folks find a greater comfort in imagining the better future that awaits them. In other words, nobody today seems to enjoy the moment they're in, and that's why everyone's so stuck in their miseries and pointing hateful fingers at everyone else. Good god, who's going to break the mold once and for all?
How can we stop a president from warring with other nations if we can't stop our petty selves from warring with our petty neighbors? It all comes down to bloated egos and trivialities, does it not? It's always been this way, but I'm wondering what y'all think. Is limiting our joy to either living in the past or in the future coded into our DNA, and if so, is there some way out of it? Maybe I should consult artificial intelligence since it seems to think it's more brilliant than any human alive.
But before I do that, do any of you good people out there have an answer for me? Do any of you even live fully in the present? They say it's good to challenge our brains. Maybe we can be the first among many to solve the issue right here and now.
Evangel
First, accept my condolences for your friend's passing.
To answer your question, I think it's likely impossible to remain in the present moment, as much as we may want to. There's always so much to think about that has nothing to do with the present, but we think that so long as our mind is busy, we are in the present.
The things that absorb us mentally and darken our days are chiefly about ourselves since we are all self-centered at our core. We ruminate about what someone did us, or didn't do for us, or said about us. We worry over our health, our kids, the parents we care for, our pets. We get angry and hurt and feel miserable when things go south and don't go our way. Some people are stuck in anger and payback, vengeance, and how that should play out. It's difficult to stay in the moment if we believe we are in the moment thinking about the past or present.
The only solution I can employ is to catch myself languishing in anything that is mentally wasteful, and apply myself to something creative, joyful, and productive.
I'm glad you brought up this useful topic so that we can all share our thoughts. Thank you.
Homeless Valley
I'm sure no one fully lives in the moment, even sages and monks. It's just part of who we are. I like to reminisce. I enjoy my fond memories. I enjoy watching movies that bring back the past, and videos that I took years ago with friends, kids, and other family. The problem is when we get stuck in the negative stuff. That's where the ugliness surfaces and makes people hate and make leaders send immigrants off to a country they've never lived in. That's my 2 cents.
Present Valley
First of all I am so sorry to read about you losing an old friend. That is never easy. And an unfortunate way for old friends and classmates to connect. A funeral is the perfect example of a place to reminisce about the good old days, find comfort and avoid talking about the emotions of the sad present experience.
I so appreciate your writing style. Your words create pictures for me and I can "see" what you are describing.
Your question is so rich!!!! Actually nostalgia has been researched and apparently it is a very normal human thing to do. I don't know if it is coded in our DNA to shift from the past, to present to future but I agree staying in the present is hard to do.
I think it is near impossible for us because our brains are constantly being bombarded with more than it can handle in our chaotic world. I've been told it is easier in a monastery without so many distractions.
I know many priests, preachers, monks, nuns, long time meditators and admittedly not one of them has found the magic formula for constantly living in the present. The Dalai Lama, from everything I've read and heard about him, is the best example of someone who does live in the present.
For me, when I catch myself dwelling in the past or overthinking the future, I do something that is grounding, like conscious breathing, to help me return to the present.
Slipstream
I confess. I don't live fully in the present. I have to babysit my mind every second to keep it in the here and now. I ask myself, "Where are you?" and you can bet, it isn't in the present. All by itself, it will slip into the past or jump to the future. I'm a full-time student of staying in the present, and I won't share my report card with you 😄
Wilsons Grave
Thank you all for your insights, experience, and willingness to share your views on this. I learned a lot...mainly that I'm not the only who struggles with this. I'm sure there may even be some usefulness to being somewhere other than the present at certain times...such like to connect with who we once were at a younger age or imagine our better selves not yet manifest.