The Courage to Ask For Love

If you’re like most people, you enjoy opening your heart and helping others. Even if you can’t respond to every call for help, you show up often enough and, at the end of the day, you feel good about giving some love. In a real sense, the person who needed your help gave you a genuine opportunity to feel good about yourself through the generosity or comfort you extended.

But when was the last time you reached out and asked others for love and support? Most people won’t know the answer to that question because, as a culture, we pride ourselves on being self-sufficient and independent, and we naturally shun the notion of cultivating interdependence. Most likely, unless you’re a charitable foundation in need of funds, you’ll avoid asking for the help you need for fear of burdening others.

A recent study published in Psychological Science revealed that those who need help consistently underestimate others’ willingness to help, and overestimate how inconvenienced helpers would feel. Asking for help can also feel risky, raising the threat that others may judge you as weak, incompetent, or needy. But nothing can be further from the truth.

The physiological, psychological, and social benefits of being of service are well documented and add up to bringing more joy into our lives, better health, and deeper social connections—all culminating in the power to add years to our lives.

Asking for love and support in any endeavor is an act of self-love and courage. It also reveals your humanity. You’re at your best when you show others their value. Just asking for their ear, or needing their special skillset or knowledge is a great way to do that. At best, you’ll get what you need, and the giver will feel the joy of coming to your rescue. But if someone doesn’t step up to help, don’t take it personally. They may be overwhelmed by personal challenges of their own.

If asking for help is difficult for you, youtropolis is a safe space in which to practice. Asking your tribe to participate in fulfilling a need is as simple as posting a wish. If you’re struggling to make a tough decision and need some crowdsourced wisdom, you can post an insight poll. If you’re wavering on sticking to any self-improvement or self-care regimen, you can post a pledge and invite your tribe to support you. Little by little, you’ll gain a new confidence and faith in the truth that people truly love to help. As a bonus, anytime you collaborate with others, whether by giving love or getting love, hearts will open, relationships will deepen, and your city’s weconomy keeps expanding.