8 Idiomatic Expressions You Should Avoid Using

We all tend to use them with frequency. They roll off our tongues thoughtlessly, especially when comforting others or offering advice. And though our intentions are good and heartfelt, the recipient may feel demoralized by our words instead. Why? Because idioms are shortcut expressions we use when wiser words elude us.

Since no one wants to kick a friend who’s already down, here are eight common idiomatic expressions to avoid, and tips on what you should do instead.

1. You have your whole life in front of you

If a young person has put their trust in you, count yourself lucky. Shepherding them with the aid of your acquired wisdom is a privilege. But if they’re feeling crushed after not getting the acting part they hoped for, or failing to make the team, telling them their whole life is in front of them is not helpful. It dismisses their immediate pain and sorrow. 

Instead of focusing on their future, keep them in the now by hearing them out. Give them space to vent their shame, anger, and hurt. By allowing them to express their deepest feelings, you’ll help them move through their angst and distress. Instead of shutting them down with a cheerful cliché, you’ll have offered the healing care they need.

2. Don’t bury your head in the sand 

If you use this expression, consider its passive-aggressive nature. On one hand, you’re trying to bring someone to their senses about a situation they’re facing, but burying one’s head in the sand implies they’re being senseless or deliberately ignoring the truth. The accusation diminishes them and makes them feel you don’t respect them.

Instead, try to understand why they’re ignoring what is obvious to you. Consider that they aren’t ready to handle the unpleasant truth. Or perhaps they have a different viewpoint. By engaging in a deeper dialog, you can show you truly care, and it’s possible you’ll learn why they are comfortable “looking the other way.” 

3. Every cloud has a silver lining

We’ve all heard this one and likely used it to make someone feel better about the dark place they’re in. But what the person needs is a way out of the cloud, not a false promise that sunnier days are around the corner. Most of all, they need to know that someone will be there to help them through their rough patch. 

Instead of painting a rosy picture with this trite idiom, assure them that no matter what, you’ll stick by them to lighten their load and make their journey ahead easier.

4. You’re chasing rainbows 

Everyone has dreams. The better future one imagines is always packed with hope, determination, enthusiasm, and joy. So when someone gushes over their latest plans, don’t tell them they’re chasing after rainbows. If you lack faith in another’s dream, don’t make it your job to rescue them from “folly.” 

Instead of being the killjoy, be supportive. Keep in mind all the people who succeeded big time against all odds. People like Abraham Lincoln, Vincent Van Gogh, Nelson Mandela, Oprah Winfrey, Jack Nicholson, J.K. Rowling, Eminem, and Steven Spielberg. Be the friend who supports their dreams, no matter how unlikely their success currently seems to you. Don’t be a downer. Be their champion.

5. Get on with your life 

Setbacks in life happen. Whether it’s the loss of a job, a spouse, a house, one’s health, or self-confidence, such events can be emotionally, physically, and financially devastating. If someone you care about is going through such an experience, avoid adding pressure by telling them to get on with their life. That’s what they’re already trying to do.

Instead of showing impatience and disregard for their need to process the changes in their life, try to put yourself in their shoes. Then, make a list of beneficial actions you can take to help uplift them and strengthen their resolve to get through to the other side. 

6. Make a mountain out of a molehill 

Fear strikes when one least expects it. Maybe it’s the dreaded call from the boss, or the routine physical reveals something unusual—just about anything unsettling can automatically throw one’s mind into panic mode. If a friend reaches out to you in such a state, keep in mind they’re petrified. Telling them they’re making a mountain out of a molehill is not only insensitive, it will never settle their nerves.  

Instead, be a compassionate listener and, if necessary, help them do some deep breathing to release those unfounded, worst-case scenarios they’ve conjured. Once they’re calmer, explore with them the logical reasons their fear has no basis in fact.  

7. Cut to the chase

We all know people who can be long-winded. During conversations, they thrive in the spotlight, especially when delivering their latest “outrageous” news. After the tee-up, you sit eagerly on the edge of your seat, enduring a long backstory as they hold the floor a little longer. Though it’s tempting to ask them to cut to the chase, don’t do it. It’s plain rude and hurtful, and reveals your lack of patience. 

Instead, use the opportunity to practice tolerance and non-judgment. More importantly, be mindful that the person delivering such news needs attention, and this is their surefire way of getting it. Don’t push them off their soapbox. Be kind, be a good listener, and remember they’re in your life for a reason.

8. There are plenty of fish in the sea

Last, but not least, is this age-old, cold-hearted idiom, heard by generations of brokenhearted souls. Well-meaning as it may sound, this expression nails the coffin shut on what was once a happy, thriving relationship. It says, it’s over, move on—unpleasant words your friend may not wish to hear.

Instead, focus on the trauma your friend is experiencing. An unexpected breakup is a kick in the stomach that brings shame and questions of self-worth. Your friend needs you to honor their healing process and support them with the kind of companionship that lessens the sting of their sudden void.

To conclude, life is full of conflict these days. Tensions are in the air. People are on edge. What we all need is a hit of kindness and a dose of love. Listening to others thoughtfully and quietly allows shareable wisdom to surface in our hearts and minds. It uplifts and joins us together, and may even restore our faith in human kindness and each other.