When grace comes, will you know?
Lately I've been wondering why some people have grace and others don't.
What got me thinking this? Well, it's a bit of everything, but mostly it's the knuckleheaded showboating extraordinaire of certain ill-tempered congressmen or women who seem to be in a competition over who can most rudely ruffle everyone's feathers. It takes me back to junior high when boys competed over who could belch the loudest.
So this question about who's got grace, and why, seized me. I thought, well, why not just ask around, get some opinions. So, in my own low-key way, I went about and casually asked people I know if they had any thoughts about this.
Some folks had no idea what I was talking about. Or they equated bad behavior with fortitude. Jeez Louise! But, that was my bad for surveying dudes chugging beers in a bar. But I kept at it at the diner, the barber, and neighbors are always eager to give their opinions over a hot cup of coffee, especially if a danish is part of the bargain.
People mostly talked about themselves. Some told me about difficult times that led to grace. Others shared stories about those they admired who exuded grace...and how they tried to emulate them. Then I heard others mention God's role in bringing them to grace and changing them.
The upshot is, many people consider grace to be divinely gifted, but it's not always the case. People can also cultivate it if they know what it is and would like to enjoy its benefits. So, from my amateur research, I decided to compile a list to help folks judge for themselves whether or not they have grace.
If you don't score high. Don't worry. I didn't either. But by virtue of following the insights of the good folks who shared their thoughts, I think I'd do better now.
My question was: "How do you know when you've found grace for yourself?" Here are the best answers. See how you stack up:
1. When you fully believe in yourself and don't need others to constantly praise or validate you.
2. When you can get to a place where it's easier to love instead of judge either yourself or others.
3. When you can take a step back and let others have the floor without needing to interject.
4. When you stop beating others down to boost yourself up.
5. When you lose the need to be the center of attention.
6. When you accept others for who they are, whether you agree with their choices or not.
7. When you find yourself cheerfully complimenting others without expecting a payoff.
8. When you get fully comfortable in your own skin and don't care when you're being judged.
9. When you stop sticking it to others for not meeting your needs.
10. When you trust God will take care of you no matter how tough things are.
11. When you stay grounded and calm despite others coming unglued.
12. When you lose the impulse to act superior to others.
Well Street
With some of these points, I knock it out of the park. People have never seen me clamor to be the center of attention or rudely interject when someone else is speaking. Maybe there's a version of me like that in another universe, but not this one.
For many of these other points, there's work to do.
Number 8 reminds me of a former gym client who, at 80, looked at least 10 years younger, and exercised 5 days weekly, sometimes twice a day. However, he focused on the things he felt weren't good enough—his butt wasn't round and his pecs weren't bulging. While his brain was as sharp as a tack, he didn't have the body of a 30-year-old, and it was this "deficit" that captured his attention. Like many people for various reasons, this man will go to the grave denying himself grace.
Number 10 is a biggie, too. Trusting that calmer waters lie beyond the choppy tides can be difficult to have faith in, especially for those who cling to security and predictability.
Part of extending ourselves grace is acknowledging the areas we can do better, working toward that goal while detached from perfectionism, and accepting that progress won't be linear.
Thank you for providing this blueprint for grace. It's a worthy endeavor for us all.
Faithville
Well said, especially on #10. And yes, honest self reflection is the beginning of growth to receive grace.
Wilsons Grave
Totally agree with you!
Wilsons Grave
Maybe we can only accept grace when we're struggling through life...maybe because we're being reflective and open to the help of a wiser influence or higher power. Perfectionists see themselves as having a duty, I think, to outperform others. When they fall short of their goals, they'll work themselves to death to attain perfection. They're not looking for a chill pill...or grace.
Slipstream
Oh my, I have work to do...
Wilsons Grave
Yeah, I used to think that...but then I realized I wasn't looking at myself the way others do. Try seeing yourself as other do, remember the praise they give you, take that in and reflect on that, and I'll bet you'll see you don't have much work to do at all.
Evangel
One thing's for sure. The moment you think you've conquered one of these, someone will test you again some way, some how, when you least expect it. If you pass that test, pat yourself on the back and move on to the next one that needs work.
Wilsons Grave
You are right. Good suggestion!
Present Valley
Once again, you bring an interesting question to ponder.
Thanks for your research.
Your 12 insights provide a useful framework for how to spend the rest of my life consciously cultivating grace. And regardless of what is happening in my day I would love to be able to say I can be in grace...but...still working on it, better at some than others.
Recently being on the receiving end of the lack of grace from #6 I know how real these points are. I'm often dancing with #10. Sometimes I let God lead, other times I want to. We all know how that turns out.
Wilsons Grave
Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate the feedback. I guess we're all working on attaining some bit of grace. It's a good thing...and lots better than picking fights or trashing people behind their backs, (or in our mind) or curling into a ball if someone put us down. Letting god take the lead is always a challenge for me, but I find there's more adventure when I do, and more growth. Happy trails on your journey!