They're Your Shoes! Only You Can Fill Them!

Somewhere along the way, people have gotten the idea that they’re not enough; that they’re missing a piece; and that without that piece they’re not whole. That piece–that validation–is sought after from a number of places: acceptance from a parent, love from a mate, a good grade, an invitation to a party, another Like on Facebook, another Twitter follower, etc. But I’m here to tell you, that you’re not missing a piece. You’re already WHOLE. If you weren’t, who were you before the acceptance, the love, the grade, and the invitation? You already have the piece you need; you just have to recognize it.

Self-validation starts with the Self. There is nothing more awesome than someone who loves and respects who they are. And I don’t mean somebody who is cocky and full of themselves–that’s another problem altogether. What I’m referring to is someone who knows they’re whole, and is not tied to anyone else in order to feel complete. “You complete me!” said by Tom Cruise’s character in Jerry Maguire, may have sounded romantic, but that was just a “romantic” movie moment. In truth, no one completes anybody. You may feel that you love someone a great deal, and want to share your journey with them; that’s fine, but your journey is taking place regardless of who’s along for the ride.

If you look outside of yourself for any type of validation, you’re making an assumption that you’re empty. Wrong! You have everything you need; you’re just not looking hard enough. And if you look outside of yourself, others assume you’re empty, therefore finding you less attractive. Who wants someone who doesn’t think highly of themselves? Would you?

Looking for love “out there", imprisons you. You’re always waiting on that next Kudos, invite, compliment, someone telling you you’re great. But what happens if that doesn’t come? If you’re depending on that to feel whole, you’ll feel let down, empty, and you’ll try and fill that void. You might start to overeat, drink, exercise too much, self-medicate, etc. If you feel you’re not whole without a mate, without a degree, or someone constantly validating your existence, then you’ll be walking around feeling empty, waiting for someone else to fill your own shoes. But remember, they’re your shoes. Only you can fill them.

I’m not saying it doesn’t feel good to receive compliments, to be accepted, to get invited to parties, etc., but don’t let these things define how you feel about yourself. This is your life. Share it with whomever you like, but know that it is yours and yours alone, with or without anyone else. Define yourself. You don’t need anyone else to do it for you. The moment you know this, is the moment you’ll be free!