The Need to be Right
People need to be right. And this, my friend, is what causes an immense amount of suffering. For both sides of the fence.
Rarely, do people in an argument say, "Hmmm ... interesting. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective. No. It becomes a tug of war--one person trying to convince the other person that their ideas, opinions, "facts," are right. In my experience, I haven't seen anyone convince anyone of anything.
And who's to really know what is right or real? Nowadays, one can't believe what they see or hear. Anything can be fabricated and made to look like a truth, when in fact it isn't.
It's important to be discerning. More than ever living in today's world. And because facts aren't true facts anymore, we are at a disadvantage.
I don't know what the solution is. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe we're too far gone as a society. Or maybe society will eventually right itself. That's my hope.
What we can do is start by being honest with ourselves, in as much as that's possible. In all truth, self-deception is not a rare concept.
We can be truthful with our friends and family, and continue to have integrity.
You may be right about something for which you're arguing. Or you may not. At the end of the day, does it really matter, though? If you are right, then what? What will that really get you?
I don't have answers. But I do know that change starts with each of us. One person at a time.
As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
Wonderland
This essay hits home with me. More than a few times I have been told, “do you always have to be right?” lol. Yes. Actually, I am trying to see both sides of the coin, however it is difficult when only one side is showing. I will try to be better.
Present Valley
Great article. And so timely. Years ago I heard Brene Brown speak about "getting it right" instead of focusing on being right. That really made an impact on me. I learned a long time ago right is so subjective. I don't even know what right is anymore as I listen to the information that is being shared in our world today. I don't recall being able to convince someone out of their "right" position. I do feel sad when people I'm with whip out their cell phones to do a "fact check" about what someone in the group has said.
Getting it right to me means really hearing what my friend is telling me and not being swamped by what is running through my mind about what they are saying..so being present when someone is talking to me, expressing empathy when it's needed, apologizing when I hurt someone's feelings, taking responsibility when I screw up...that change in perspective has made such a difference in my life.
Great reminder!
Evangel
It sounds like you've articulated a magic formula for handling nuanced truths. Out of curiosity, what positive difference has it made in your life?
Evangel
That's funny! It reminds me of this story: I once went to a swap meet where I spotted some rare, antique silver Mexican pesos that would make a nice addition to my coin collection. I was very excited about finding them and didn't take the time to turn the coins over and inspect them carefully for authenticity. Fortunately, the seller was genuine and told me the coins that appeared authentic were actually fake.
Sanatana
That's all any of us can do. And good for you to be able to recognize where you can improve. Best of luck!
Evangel
Great post! You raise some important questions. People waste time arguing over the silliest things, but if they win the argument they may feel better about themselves. (Yay! Score! I won. I'm smart.) And maybe that's a little bit of power for them, a little bit of feel good, a bit of uplift. Maybe they don't feel so good about themself in general and having others nod their heads in agreement when they talk puts a smile on their face. I'm willing to give them that—except for if the topic truly matters and they are factually wrong. I would expect the same from others. At the end of the day, we might learn something we didn't know, something that really matters.
Sanatana
Yes, all you say is true. People may want to be right because it feeds their fragile egos. But I find that those little wins are temporary. And soon they're off to the next fight to be right!
Slipstream
Back in the day, there used to be a saying, "It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game." If you were a "sore loser," that was thought to be bad. If you were a winner and didn't rub the loser's nose in it, that was good. I think we can take a lesson in that. If we can be gracious, whether we win or lose, we are better people. And I think that's what the world needs right about now. Excellent article, thanks!
Well Street
The people I've encountered who "have to be right" had a superiority complex, believing it was their duty to correct your opinions and perceptions of facts.
With a couple of these individuals, it wasn't difficult to read between the lines and see that their outward display of confidence was merely theater.
Wilsons Grave
I get to observe this daily with men. For us, it's just an old-fashioned pissing contest. Said more politely, it's sparring, or sport, or seeing who gets the last word. Don't ask me why, but the men I know wouldn't have it any other way. I think it's just the nature of the beast. I agree with all you said, including there may be no solution. But I think native Americans got it right when they introduced settlers to the talking stick, giving everyone a chance at their opinion and not settling the matter until a compromise was agreed on by all. It's how the U.S. Constitution came into being and settled itself into the law of the land.