Fear of Rejection or Rejecting Opportunity?
Recently I had a conversation with a young woman who told me she had an interest in someone but was afraid to ask him to hang out. When I asked her why, she admitted she was afraid of being rejected. This got me thinking about rejection and the fear of.
People have a lot of fears—fear of getting old, losing their jobs, dying young, public speaking, etc. But one of the biggest, most widespread fears is Fear of Rejection—the fear of losing approval from others, of not being accepted. Often, the person fearing the rejection creates the very scenario they fear. For example, a girl dating a guy might be afraid he’ll lose interest and leave her. She might then become defensive, anxious, or angry, and end up driving the guy away. At this point, she can easily say, “See, I knew he didn’t really like me. I knew he’d leave me.”
Rejection is just someone saying no. So what? If you go shopping and try on and discard an outfit, is it a reflection on the outfit, or is it your personal preference? Someone else could love the very outfit you rejected. People get rejected all the time. Take a look at Walt Disney, for example, he was told he “lacked imagination.” And what about Elvis Presley? He was told he was better off driving a truck. Both Oprah and Madonna were fired from their jobs. These are people the whole world knows, but at one time they were rejected. So, was it about the reject-or, or the rejected? If someone rejects you, it does not mean you’re not lovable, or worthy; it just means that person wanted something else. It may not have anything to do with you personally. And if it does, that’s their issue.
Stop seeking reassurance from other people; doing so will often leave you feeling disappointed. Any look, tone of voice, or body language, can upset you and make you feel bad. Be your own reassurance. Don’t count on anyone else. This will set you free.
Next time you’re afraid to do something because you’re afraid you’ll be rejected, think twice. Being rejected is not about you; it’s about saying “no” sometimes. And at times that no may be aimed at you. So what? Remember, a no will not make or break you. How could it? It’s just a word.
Don’t miss out on an opportunity because you’re afraid. Be afraid to miss out on an opportunity by not taking a chance.
Slipstream
Thanks for writing this article. Fear of rejection can be crippling if not faced head-on with confidence and courage. If your confidence is low, you can turn to courage as your backup.
One time my boss told me he could only give me a 3% raise because that's the most the company was giving everyone that year. That didn't sit right with me because I knew I deserved more so I spoke up and told him just that. He agreed, and we worked out a deal where I got extra paid vacation days in addition to the 3%. I walked away happy, and my boss was happy that I felt appreciated.
Although I was fearful, and my stomach was jittery when I pushed back on the 3%, I knew I had to ask for what was fair. That incident strengthened my courage and enabled me to speak up for myself in the future.
Well Street
It's a beautiful thing when we feel solid in our worthiness and our value, and rejection isn't looked at as evidence of "not enoughness".