Don't Be a Chaser!
Are you a chaser? Not a chaser of goals and dreams, but a chaser of people?
I want to take this time to remind you that you are unique and special as you are. And if someone doesn't value you or your time, then so be it. You'll be better off without them.
There are people that are insecure. Perhaps you're one of them. These people feel invisible in the world. They don't see their worth. In a sense, they are blind to who they are, to their relevance on this earth. They are desperate to belong, to be loved, so they sacrifice their integrity by chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught.
Even when a "friend" repeatedly ignores them, doesn't call them back, they chase. They are always the one to make the first move. And when it comes to love? They don't take no for an answer.
It's pretty obvious when someone is not interested. They don't call you, they don't respond to texts, and if they do, it may be out of obligation and the texts are short.
Take inventory of the people in your life. Do they seem genuinely interested in you? Do they show interest in how you're doing? Do they call or text just to simply say, "Hey, how you been?" Or, do you never hear from them unless you are the initiator? If that's the case. STOP!
The more you chase and beg, the more you push people away. You might even be perceived as needy or clingy. Those are not attractive qualities. In fact, they create the opposite effect of what you want.
If someone doesn't want to be in your life, bless them and let them go. You don't need them.
The stronger and better you feel about yourself, the better and kinder people you'll attract into your circle. And isn't that what you want?
Be true to yourself. Be with people who want to be around you. Be with people who uplift and encourage you to be the best version of yourself.
Anyone else, buh bye!
Slipstream
We need people in our lives who love us, get us, and stick with us through the ups and downs of life. If we give it to them, they should be able to give it in return. If not, what's the point? So, I agree with you 100%.
Sanatana
Yes! It's up to us to attract and keep the right people in our lives.
Well Street
The insecure person feels desperate for acceptance which motivates them to chase and beg, yet this in and of itself perpetuates that desperation. In their chasing, they run further away from self-acceptance.
When someone works to boost their self-acceptance, it's far easier to draw in people who accept them and have their best interest at heart.
Thank you for posting.
Sanatana
You've explained it beautifully. First self-acceptance. That's the key. At that point, you'll be less inclined to chase people so that you can feel good about yourself. You feel good first, and there's no need to chase.
Evangel
In our busy world, many people take others for granted, even those they truly love. Everyone's excuse is the same. They're busy. They think they'll get around to you tomorrow or the next day, but other "more important" stuff always comes up and creates another delay. This has created the loneliness epidemic that's so prevalent in our country. People are less interested in socializing in person now more than ever. That in itself makes the lonely person feel insecure and unwanted. But they may quickly overlook the rebuff and continue to pursue you because that's the only way they know to get their needs met. I feel sorry for those who are left out. I hope they find someone who truly cares for them and makes time to bring them into their fold. Friends are a blessing, so I also feel sorry for those who can't find a way to make enough time for them. One day they won't be so busy and they'll feel very alone.
Sanatana
You make a great point. People are lonely. Extremely so. In a time when we have more than ever the capability to connect, it's ironic that loneliness is at its highest.
People do continue to reach out in order to feel their emotional void. But that rarely works. And if they manage to fill their needs, it's only temporarily. They'll continue to feel empty inside until they fill it up themselves.
One way I see to meet more like minded people is to put oneself out there. To find a cause and volunteer. To join walking groups, or any other groups with whom you share an interest. That's how you meet people. And then to be consistent.
Loneliness is a real thing. But I wonder how much of it is because we isolate ourselves versus putting ourselves out in the world.
Evangel
I think joining like-minded groups is always a good idea. But I suspect a lot of loneliness is more about lack of love and not feeling a deeper connection with people. It's about intimacy and being able to share feelings and knowing that someone is genuinely interested in listening and cares enough to respond with empathy and understanding. Many people can't be bothered. In today's world socializing adds up to having fun, and if it can't be fun they don't have time. Sad but true.
Wonderland
I disagree with a lot in this message. I am 70 years old. I have known many people in my lifetime. I have been close friends with many people. I have a large amount of relatives who I absolutely love. I have a husband, children, grandchildren and a full time job. If I haven’t made my friendships a priority, it’s not because I want to lose them, or not care for them, it’s because there are just not enough hours in every day. I have lifetime friends who I can call or text 6 months or one year apart. I have a sister in law who I haven’t seen for over a year. I love her deeply. I know I should prioritize my relationships, (and I guess I do) but I would be crushed if any of the people who I truly loved took my absence as indifference and left me. Just saying.
Evangel
I think we can all learn a lot from your comment. There are many reasons people don't stay in touch, be it lack of time, depression, urgency of other matters, or some much needed quiet time. Most of us prioritize because, as you say, there aren't enough hours in the day for all the demands on us. And if we are so privileged to have a large family, extended family, and friends who'd like to connect more often, we should call that a blessing.
Most important, though, is not to make assumptions about why someone doesn't stay in touch. Cutting them off without a heart-to- heart attempt to understand their reason or predicament would make any of us not such a good friend after all. Sometimes people can't live up to their own needs let alone another's. Sometimes people feel guilty about that, too.
Because of the increasing evidence of a ballooning loneliness epidemic, we sincerely wanted to make it easy for our yousers to connect privately via private message, or through postcards as a way to just say "I love you." That's why postcard recipients don't even need to be a member of Youtropolis, or need to reply. All that's needed is their email address. So if anyone does feel even a tad guilty for not being more social with someone they love, send them a postcard to remind them you're thinking about them.
Sanatana
I respect your opinion. You have a valid point. It sounds like you are truly blessed with a lot of good people in your life but are too busy to stay in frequent touch. It's wonderful that after a long time, you can just pick up right where you left off.
It's not like that for a lot of people, however. Some people's low-self esteem and lack of confidence, keep them chasing people who don't really care about them, often reinforcing their loneliness. Hence, why I suggest they expand their circle, and feed themselves first before chasing people who don't want to be caught.
Your situation is different. I'm happy that it is.
Thanks again for your feedback. I appreciate it.