Circle of Influence
I'm guessing I am not the only one right now who has at least one friend experiencing challenges from physical, mental, emotional, financial, spiritual and relational issues or something else. Circumstances in our faces because the people impacted are our loved ones. I imagine you might find an element of your visit with your friend in my description.
Leaving my friend yesterday who is suffering body, mind, and soul because of an acute onset of a mysterious deteriorating mental health issue as well as grieving the death of her husband gave me pause. For some reason Steven Covey's Circle of Influence from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People popped into my mind. While the book has many important points, what I took away was the idea of making a difference where I could...within my own circle of influence: family, friends and community.
From my understanding of the Circle, “at its heart is our ability to make and keep commitments and promises. To refocus our thoughts on the things we can control, things we can help with, things we can influence. It is not effective to waste our time or energy on things we have no power or control over.”
On the drive home from my friend's, I was reviewing in my mind if and how I showed up according to the Circle. I noted that I could keep my commitment to spend time with her in this one hour that she could handle a visitor. I could bring her flowers to hopefully cheer her up. I could be present, bring my open heart and love to our time together. I could tuck her in my arms and hold her as she greeted me sobbing.
I could cry with her in the joy of being together after many months of not seeing each other. I could hold her hand, make eye contact and listen while she tried to talk to me about what she's feeling, describing her mysterious symptoms and the terror of not knowing what is happening to her. I could empathize with her about the tendency to get stuck in temporary thoughts of “what's the point I'm not getting better, I'm not improving and how long is this going to last.” I could remind her and provide examples of how brave she is.
I was well aware I wasn't there to “do” anything just to “be” with her. My presence and my love were the real gifts to her. I couldn't fix her or make her symptoms better...which broke my heart.
Finishing up my review, her parting words remained with me. “Thank you for being my guiding light today.” I have no idea what I said or did that helped her momentarily reignite that inner spark of light and I don't need to know.
What touched my heart was seeing the Circle of Influence in action. I know this experience will sit with me for awhile as I ponder where else in my life and relationships I have an opportunity to consciously live within that Circle. I have been feeling the pull to move away from focusing on politics, war, immigration, abortion, the economy and what ever else in the news that disempowers me and bring my attention to my Circle of Influence...where I know I can make a difference no matter how small. I believe wholeheartedly this is something we all can do.
Slipstream
I agree 100% that just being with a person, hearing and acknowledging their fears and heartaches, and showing them our love contributes to the goodness of our world. Your friend is proof of that. You gave her the gift of "light" even if you don't know how or what it was. Thank you for your reminder to give our attention to people and situations where we can have a positive influence.
Well Street
I'm so sorry your friend is going through this terrifying experience.
While our nature is to try and fix a situation and grasp for anything that might make it better, you know it's your "beingness" and presence that brings in light for your friend.
Thank you for sharing the lesson brought by the Circle of Influence and the impact it can have.
Evangel
That's a tough place to be in. When we love, we want to alleviate the person's suffering, even if we know we can't. But you're wise enough to know that just showing up is enough. Platitudes like "this will pass" may comfort the person momentarily, but the real healing lies is the knowledge that someone cares enough to sit, listen, and feel your pain. Sometimes we just need to pour our heart out without listening to all the well-meaning "fix it" suggestions or solutions. You honored that need in your friend by offering company, flowers, and sympathy. Thank you for sharing this experience, and I hope your friend recovers quickly.
Wilsons Grave
So many strange things happening to people out of the blue, no known cause or explanation. Your goodness to your friend will bring goodness to you. Life isn't just about having fun. Sometimes folks need to lean on us too which doesn't always make us cheerful but can sure fill us with gratitude and reassure us we matter. I hope your friend gets to the bottom of whatever ails her.