What can you do to stop mass casualty events?

Years ago when I was eleven years old, I was given a sage piece of advice I’ve never forgotten. It followed a family gathering that nearly came to blows when my father told his sister-in-law to go flush her head down the toilet. Such a verbal brawl was unheard of in my otherwise diplomatic family. When my grandmother realized my upset, she put her arm around me and said: “You see? You’ll never catch flies with vinegar.” It was her gentle way of letting me know that I, too, could benefit from zipping it before making a snide remark.

That same summer, during a health check up, I asked the doctor if my blood pressure was high. Being that I was a child, the doctor was surprised by the question. The truth was, my father routinely said mean-spirited things to me, as well as to my siblings and my mother—all of which kept me stewing in rage. No one really knew how furious I was, or how much hate I was carrying, or how I was in a constant mental state of fight or flight, literally vacillating between plotting revenge or escape. No one knew because I was taught to keep my mouth shut and not complain, in other words, keep a lid on the toxic vinegar inside me.

My grandmother, long deceased, would be shocked to learn that catching flies with vinegar seems to be today’s stickiest form of social media entertainment. The better you are at it, the more followers, likes, and shares you’ll have. Not only is it permissible, it’s applauded. But one has to wonder why. How did we as a society break to the point of feeling happy when people we dislike come under attack? How did we arrive at believing that verbal assaults are okay, even deserved, or worse, necessary? Do we now believe it’s pointless to keep a lid on it? As long as we welcome one form of assault, we won’t ever stop other forms of assault.

To quote the insight of Jiddu Krishnamurti, “It is no measure of good mental health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” But here we are.

Today, the Secret Service released a report analyzing 173 mass casualty attacks that occurred in the U.S. between 2016-2020. One quarter of the attacks were motivated by conspiracy theories or hateful ideologies, but the vast majority were spurred by personal grievances. More than half the attackers sought retaliation for perceived wrongs. Rounded off, 93% of attackers had experienced problematic social issues including divorce, domestic abuse, housing insecurity, health problems, car accidents, work-related disciplinary actions, school expulsions, and cyber bullying.

Boiling it down, the motives underlying any attack on another, be it through the use of an automatic weapon, casting a pot of boiling water into someone’s face, sexually assaulting, or trolling around spitting verbal vinegar, let’s remember the attacker struck out from a place of unconstrained fury toward another person, a maligned group, or life itself. These are individuals who are so beaten down they can no longer cope with the blows they feel. They are falling through the social well-being safety net because no one is paying enough attention to catch them before they fall.

Life should not be about daily mass casualty events. Can we do anything on a personal level to nurture a healthier, safer society? Yes, we can. We can stop avoiding those who are feeling sad, depressed, angry, dismissed, hopeless, or lost. We all know someone who’s struggling in one way or another. Invite them into your tribe, send them your goodness through a private message, find out what they need, listen to them, give them hope, and keep giving love. These actions have healing effects. Together, we can offer the safety net they sorely need before they fall. This is what it means to build community, and this is what Youtropolis is all about.